Tantrums SOS

Submitted by leirs on February 3, 2010 - 12:12

I’m Frustrated

Not a crying Frustrated, more like a sad thrown in with frustrated. More like what’s wrong with me and why can’t I handle this and ‘I’m failing at motherhood’ sad. Adee is currently going through a challenging stage (well it’s challenging for me). It’s really the tantrums and sometimes she’ll say it over and over again even if you say NO or Don’t do that.

Try arguing with a 2 year old why don’t you. She’ll cry and she’ll whine and if she doesn’t get what she wants Daddy will come to the rescue. I’m aware that this is normal and challenging that this is supposed to happen (the baby books say so) but I’m currently at my wits end.I really can’t stand the crying and the screaming and the whining. She cries about everything and she has great lungs too.

Recently I've been trying out the time out consequence for her and so far we've had good days and we have challenging days. The moment I tell her after 4 warnings to go to time out.  She’ll start to scream YAYA!! I tell the yaya not to approach her and when she sees my husband she’ll scream DADDY!! Of course daddy will come to her rescue as she expects him to do . Which of course doesn’t go over famously with me.

I just want to know as a parent, how do I put a lid on it? Do I wait til she’s 4 or 44? What if this doesn’t blow over? A hypothetical question that I don’t want to answer.I know that I am doing my best, and I know that although we already have Joshwa. This is still a new phase for me. I see myself struggling with this issue.

Sometimes I let her cry it out and sometimes I distract her which doesn’t always work. I don’t know what to do. People tell me that I should be more firm, not give in, ignore her,and calmer. Easier said than done.. So please tips would really be helpful. Keep em coming folks.

Comments

Tantrum SOS

grayowl's picture
Submitted by grayowl on February 23, 2010 - 21:27.

I'm just a new member and read the comments on this. I agree with all of them but without the husband's support it will be impossible to do. I am a husband and our 2 sons never behaved or did tantrums.

grayowl, welcome to momex! I

jencct's picture
Submitted by jencct on February 24, 2010 - 19:28.

grayowl, welcome to momex! I totally agree with you. parents should show a united front. ;)

jencct, thanks for the welcome

grayowl's picture
Submitted by grayowl on February 24, 2010 - 19:49.

This is a very interesting website. I'll visit it often or as much as I could.

Re Tantrums

Anonymous's picture
Submitted by Anonymous on February 10, 2010 - 17:47.

That's why this stage is called terrible two's. Most kids reach this phase between 2-3. Mine did and tantrums can be very stressful for both parents and kids.

This is so far how it has worked for me and my hubby:

- Agree that no one will be good cop, especially yaya. When she's wrong, she's wrong, no one must take her side at all. Kids don't want to be singled out at this age so if she learns this lesson early on, time-out will work.

- Tolerance is key, they are "nakakaawa" especially if everyone seem to have turned their backs away from her but it's really part of their cuteness factor (puppy dog eyes and all). You know you are not hurting them, so time-out sessions like facing the wall / stand in the corner is the simplest yet proper discipline (for me though) than spanking or yelling and is better if talking to them calmly doesn't work.

- Logic of a toddler - reason with them with the easiest explanation that they can understand. I used to draw on a sheet of paper mommy and daddy's sad faces, etc. because that's what she was into and the results of being a good girl, so the tantrum turns into an activity for both of us and she forgets being upset plus we get to spend quality time.

- Attention - they yearn it most of the time at this age so also check if you've been able to spend time with them. Sometimes, it's really just for YOUR attention.

- Don't scare them with things that are UNREAL like monsters and gobblins and stuff that they should not be scared of, it only makes matters worst and make them cry louder, trust me, my daughter got so afraid of the toilet because her old yaya told her she'll get eaten by the toilet at night (it was so hard to potty train after, it took me 8 months to get her fear off and the perfect character potty seat)

- At certain times, I also lose my cool and the more she doesn't listen to me. But it's always part of the parenting process. Right and effective ways for me may not be effective for you as each kid is different so it's best to know the things that they love so you can use these to catch their interest and get their full attention, not as a bribe, but as a "bargaining tool" or "do this=consequence".

If it's a new tactic, she won't get it right away and it won't work the first time but staying focused and consistent will show results later.

Hope this helps. =) I do feel for you.

hope this helps

maybs's picture
Submitted by maybs on February 6, 2010 - 17:55.

hi leirs!

how you feel is completely understandable. it's so hard to just sit there and watch it all happen, ian't it?

i don't know if this is helpful to you but what we do with our daughter is to not give in, but we make it a point to calmly validate how she feels and just be by her side or even hug her as she wallows in her misery until she calms down. it's like sending the message: "i understand how frustrating it is for you but that's just the way it is -- we can't give it to you for your own good."

the other thing to consider would also be what the cause of the meltdown may be. by any chance, has there been any new changes in your family lifestyle recently i.e. a parent who suddenly started a new job? started with a new school? arrival of a new sibling? lack of sleep or regular routine the past few days?

i also love the giving of choices as the other mommies recommended here. sometimes though the issue in concern may not allow for choices depending on the situation.

we've actually never tried time outs yet on her.

hang in there!

hi liers, First, you and your

rinna's picture
Submitted by rinna on February 5, 2010 - 15:59.

hi liers,

First, you and your husband must be on the same page when it comes to parenting your children. Dahil kahit anong klaseng parenting pa yan, if you don't show a united front, the child just gets confused.

Second, I agree with Jen and Emily, choices really work best for us. It gives them a sense of power and responsibility. If you take away all their power, the more they will attempt to wrestle it from you. Mas malala ang power struggle nyo.

Third, don't take tantrums personally. Minsan, kahit ano pang gawin ko, my son just has to have one. Though his tantrums are very, very few and far between, it's always either (1) pagod sya, (2) he's had too much refined sugar/processed food or (3) he's had too much TV. Because I know what triggers it, hindi ko siya pinepersonal for the most part. I understand that it is something he has to go through and I just let him know that when he's done with expending that energy (i.e. maglupasay), he is free to talk to or be with me.

Fourth, if you need a timeout, take it. Minsan, nakaka-frustrate talaga ang kakulitan or their stubborn-ness. If I find myself losing it, I allow myself a timeout. Most times, it not only gives me a chance to regroup myself, it also allows my son to reorganize himself.

Fifth, even if you do not give in to her wants/demands, make sure she feels listened to. Sometimes that's all they need. An acknowledgement. Even if you say no, if they feel heard, it won't be as crushing to them.

Hi Leirs, I hear you and

ejlching's picture
Submitted by ejlching on February 5, 2010 - 05:31.

Hi Leirs,

I hear you and about your frustrations. I'm hoping it's just the terrible 2s for you. My first daughter went through it, although she didn't have tantrums, she just defied everything and it was EXTREMELY frustrating. We resorted to the time out chair, and just like you, we had good and bad days. The phase lasted for about 6 months or so. After that, she's been good.

Speaking from experience, you and your husband have to talk about how to handle it and you have to agree on how to. Adee knows she will be "rescued" by daddy or yaya that's probably one of the reasons why she does it. You'll be on the losing end because you will always be the "bad guy".

And I agree with Jen, give them a choice, and that's it. When my daughter asks for a snack, and when I ask her what she wants, she would almost always say candy or cookies. What I do is give them a choice - apples or milk. It's either one of those or nothing. And if she wants her cartoons, it'e either she tidies up first then watch or don't watch at all. It works every time.

Shouting at them, although I hate to admit it, works sometimes, but I consciously don't make it a habit because when they get used to it, you're like a tv in the background. Getting down on your knees and talking to them calmly almost always works. What helped me a lot was a book called "Happiest Toddler in the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp. It teaches how to handle (and more importantly talk to) toddlers who are having tantrums.

Having said that, again, I really think the most important thing is for you and your husband to be on the same page. That way, Adee will know that she can't get away with whatever it is she wants.

HTH!

Tantrum SOS

Anonymous's picture
Submitted by Anonymous on February 4, 2010 - 14:44.

Hi. I also have a two year old boy and I know how you feel. It really does get so frustrating that you just want to throw in the towel but as parents we know we are responsible for this child.

I would suggest asking for your husband's help. Maybe instead of your husband getting your child when she screams maybe he can stay on your side and resist getting your child. This works for me and my husband maybe it can work with you too. It helps that my son knows that Daddy and Mommy are on the same page regarding disciplining him.

At times, when he doesn't stop crying when he doesn't get what he wants, I'll ask him to calm down hold my hand & I'll explain to him why mommy's doing this.

Hang in there. God bless!

RE Tantrum SOS

Anonymous's picture
Submitted by Anonymous on February 5, 2010 - 02:22.

Hi! I also have a 2 year old, and I understand how frustrating it is when kids throw tantrums. Tama si Anonymous. Ask for your husband's help. Kailangan may consistency yung discipline. The reason she keeps on crying is because she thinks if she keeps this up, she'll get something in return. After all, it worked last time, why not this time? Example, she wanted something, and you said no. So she cries. If you (or anyone else) gives in while she's crying, she'll learn that she gets what she wants if she cries. Kaya rin nung sinabi mong she needs a time out, hinahanap nya si yaya nya for a second opinion. Nung hindi tumabla, si daddy naman nya ang nag give in. So she learns that next time, basta umiyak sya, makukuha nya gusto nya.

Kids are smart, and they will keep on doing the actions that give them the results. The first time na you resist her crying may be hard, pero it's really for her good. It's hard, but someone's got to do it.

Good luck!

Re: Tantrums SOS

Anonymous's picture
Submitted by Anonymous on February 4, 2010 - 10:05.

thanks Jen!Will really keep this in mind.. frustrating lang talaga kasi

Re Tantrum SOS

jencct's picture
Submitted by jencct on February 4, 2010 - 07:30.

hi leirs! i can hear your frustration. at this age, they're really explorers. they don't realize how dangerous some things are so they go ahead and just do it. this is why, i guess, most (if not all) baby books recommend that we toddler-proof our houses. this way, we don't need to say "no". another suggestion i have is to give her a choice. kids her age usually like feeling the power. for example, if it's bath time and she doesn't want to take a bath...ask her "adee, would you like to take a bath now or in 5 minutes?" your goals are met, and she gets a choice.

good luck!

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly. If you have a Gravatar account, used to display your avatar.
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.

More information about formatting options

By submitting this form, you accept the Mollom privacy policy.
view counter